Positive Psychology in practice

How to be happy?

No one teaches us how to live. And it is up to us to succeed in it and achieve our potentials.

How can coaching serve you?

Am I completely satisfied with various aspects of life and with my life in general?

 If you are, you do not have to continue reading…

Simply put, coaching is when someone helps you on your way to achieve something or improve things for the better. Not by doing it instead of you, or by telling you “Do it like this!” but by supporting you and helping you become aware of which way is best for you (that you will choose yourself).

Is it necessary?
Well, we got used to going to the doctor when something ails us physically. When we want better sports results, we hire a good sports coach. When our car does not go as it should, we call a mechanic. And when things in life do not go as planned, who do we talk to? Your household members, perhaps? However, the question is whether they always have the time and ear for us. Maybe you talk to your friends? They are welcome too, but how much patience do they have if we always wallow in the same problems? Perchance your priest or another spiritual teacher? If they have smart and practical advice for your life, by all means. If not, good luck with that.

No one teaches us how to live. And it is up to us to succeed in it and achieve our potentials. How to be happy? How to face adversities, how to obtain what we wish for ourselves and our family? How to make our dreams a reality? If we are lucky, perhaps our parents have taught us some of that. However, that is usually not the case, or at least not for all aspects of our lives – emotional, physical, material, and spiritual. Or, to the contrary, what they have taught us simply does not work – because even though we get older, we realize that we are not always satisfied with our lives and not all of our plans go as imagined.

Can you relate to this?

I keep having similar problems for a while now, and whatever I do, I just cannot change the situation. People around me seem successful, and I am not in control of my life.

I am extremely critical of others and myself.

I have a feeling that I am stuck in life and I cannot move.

Everything I do from dawn till dusk is an obligation. I cannot remember the last time I had fun.

I am having a crisis that I have a hard time dealing with.

I used to have dreams, but they mostly remained just that. Dreams.

I cannot let go of bad habits that I see are not good for me.

I did something wrong and I cannot forgive myself.

I have a feeling that I am not using my full potential. I want more, but I have no idea where to start.

I suffer from a lack of confidence, and that is bothering me.

I am not satisfied with all aspects of my life.

I have experienced great disappointment and I am having a hard time recovering.

Every change I want to make in life takes a very long time and drains me a lot.

I have everything I have always wanted, but something is missing. I am not happy.

…in that case, you might need a coach. On the other hand, if you can face your problems and solve them on your own if you are making your dreams come true, if you live your life to the fullest, and you are happy – congratulations! I hope your example will inspire others.

However, if you found yourself on the list, partially or in whole, or if you have specific problems or there is a feeling bothering you, it is not the end of the world. There is always a way out. Always. Of course, if you truly want a better life for yourself.​

Even when we are aware that we could use some help, very often we find ourselves ashamed to ask for it. Why would I need a coach? People will think that I have lost my mind. Or that I am so weak that I cannot do it on my own. It is just the opposite. It is very brave and mature to ask for help. To ask for support. Especially if we have been taught all our lives that we have to do everything on our own. That is not true.

Even now, the perception has changed in the public. Before, if people heard that someone was looking for help, the first thought was that he was way over his head, or that he was crazy. But times have changed, now even the most successful managers hire coaches because they realize that it is easier that way, that they get faster results, and that hiring a coach can really help them. If you ask me, as we evolve, it will become quite normal that almost everyone has their own, personal life and business coach. Coaches also have their own coaches; do not forget that! That is the only way to deal with their needs maturely and professionally.

​“Why would I need a coach if that coach had to see a coach too?” you may wonder. Would you like to hire a coach who has never had any personal coaching experience? A coach is not here to give you all the answers. A coach is here to light your way. There is no perfect coach who knows everything, but there is a perfect coach for you. That is why it is very important who you chose. That person must “click” with you and you should feel supported and not judged. Moreover, the people who could help you the most are those who have already been through the same experience you are facing now (they have personal experience), as they can be more understanding in that way. They should be professional, stick to the agreement and treat you with respect at all times. The service you are paying is your coach’s time, dedication, presence, and experience, which a coach places at your disposal for your highest good. If a coach does not treat you like that, find another one. There are a lot of coaches on the market. Asking for recommendations is always a good start.

​Do coaches give me advice on what to do? No, they do not. And they should not. There is no other person (including all authorities and people close to you) who should tell you what to do if you are an adult. You should find the answers to your questions on your own, and a coach can be of assistance to you, by mirroring your thoughts and feelings and by helping you dive deep into parts of yourself that you may be less familiar with. In that sense, a coach can be someone you rely on and an ally on your journey.

What does a coaching session look like, then? It depends on the coach. We have all been educated differently, therefore, the methods we use in our work are also different. It is mostly about talking with the clients about why they came and what they want to achieve for themselves, and the rest is exploration.

When it comes to me, I can tell you that apart from talking, I always do practical exercises because I do not believe that talking is enough. Together we also connect the feelings in the body with what you think, what you say, what you feel, and what you believe. It is only through a holistic approach that we can see a person in their complexity, lighting up the inner processes. When working with clients, I adjust to their needs, depending on the problem or a desire they came with, how they feel at that moment, what their story and background is. From a wide range of methods I have mastered, I intuitively choose what I believe would help the most. The client gives me feedback all the time, which we use to take further steps. After the session, you may feel a bit shaken, drained, clearheaded, emotional, “open”, inspired, having a lot of questions… it all depends on what was going on in the session. You can sometimes feel the effects for days if the process was extremely deep.

That is why it is important that you are dedicated to this work and that there is continuity. There is nothing that a coach can do instead of you. The coach is here to encourage you, and sometimes give you a little push. However, the responsibility is yours. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Once you start, does it mean that you will need coaching sessions for the rest of your life? Of course not. A coach is not a crutch. The point is to become strong enough so you do not need someone else’s help all the time. Since most of the things we struggle with have been with us for a long time, sometimes even our entire life, it is unrealistic to expect instant solutions. Deep changes take time. How long the process will take depends on how ready you are to make such changes. That is why it is important to have sessions regularly in the beginning, so you could advance. You can stop the sessions at any time; nothing bad is going to happen. The decision is entirely yours, as it is with everything else.

From my experience, abrupt termination of sessions usually happens when facing the deeper layer of the problem becomes too unpleasant. Everyone has a right to decide whether they wish to continue or not. I have often seen that in that case, my clients have a feeling of “unfinished business” and the problem they came to solve continues to bother them. That is life. You will face it again once you are ready. We cannot outrun ourselves anyway, no matter how hard we try. If you decide to stop the sessions because the coach does not suit you, you are absolutely right to look for someone better suited for you.

​If, after a while, you reach the transformation you are satisfied with, we can conclude that it is time to meet less frequently or to stop having sessions altogether. After a while, there may be some crisis again, and the coach can be at your disposal as aid from time to time, in difficult situations, but in the beginning, it is difficult to make any significant progress without dedication, and you have to be aware of that when you start.

And for the end – why am I a coach? Because I love people. Because I am curious by nature. Because I have always been interested in psychology and the reason people do the things they do. Because I am fascinated by life and the art of successful living. And because I have invested an enormous amount of energy, time, and effort to make my own internal transformation and become satisfied with my life. It is an honor to use all my experience and knowledge and help someone else who also wants to do something for themselves and does not accept that life is all bad and that happiness is unattainable. I find participating in this sacred and intimate process with other human beings fulfilling and endlessly inspiring. This work is my gift, and I want to share it with others, creating a better world. That is a mission that I am pleased to fulfil.